Descisions

I can’t decide.  One I have a history with but can’t have; one fits and there’s an obvious chemistry, but I’m not sure I completely trust; one “can hang” and is fun and adventurous, but lacks a certain chemistry; and one is new and exciting and that scares the crap out of me.

I just got home from a date (yes, I’m at home, by myself–I’m not THAT easy).  It was our third date and it was fun and I was nervous, like I’ve been on all 3 so far.  And it was going well. And then he brought up the “I only want to date you” discussion.  And I didn’t know what to say.  I’ve been expecting to have this conversation, just not with him.  And I panicked and babbled something back…I’m not even sure what it was, but I think it was a save.

And on the way home I just felt defeated and confused.  I really like him, and we’re going out again sometime next week, but I’m not ready to take the others off the table, and after getting burned not too long ago, I’m not ready to let my guard down again.

And for the first time, I don’t have a sounding board–an impartial observer who can be my consigliere.  I have a sinking feeling that regardless of my decision, I’m going to screw this up.

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