That Cat is Whacked…

First, let me start by saying I’m not one of those people who talks about their pets all the time or like they’re kids.  And if I am, than my friends better step up and smack me upside the head.  That said, my cat is a f**ing trip.

1.  She doesn’t like catnip. This is like crack for cats and she turns her nose up at it.  I tried sprinkling it on her scratching post-thing thinking it might entice her to scratch that instead of my furniture or the fridge (yes, the fridge) or the woodwork in the kitchen or the front door.  No.  She avoids it until I pour the catnip off.  Then she loves the scratching thing.

2. She doesn’t like cat treats.  When I first got her, I bought a package of some sort of cat treats.  She turns her nose up and runs away.  Since then, I’ve tried giving her a) milk (granted it was soy milk, but I thought she might at least try it), b) cheese (my last roommate’s cat smelled cheese from outside and would come running, not Abz), c) TUNA.  Hello!  No, she walked away. d) Tonight I even tried the spoon with Fancy Feast gravy on it (which she gets every night–it’s part of a “calm down ritual” that we have.)  She cried and backed away; she wouldn’t go near her bowl until I backed off with the spoon.

3. She’s a bit of a racist.  The only toys she likes are a) balled up pieces of paper–as long as they aren’t white, b) little furry mice, as long as they are either gray or black, not white, and don’t contain catnip or have feathers.  Although she will play with the latter if she loses all the others and I refuse to buy her new ones.

4. She no longer wants to chase her toys.  That is so 2 months ago.  Now she wants me to gather them all up and pelt them at her while she jumps like she’s making soccer saves. I’m not kidding.

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